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From: Terry Maker
Date:5th/August I beg your Pardon!
Whilst practising recently at the Rayleigh golf range, I overheard this conversation:-
Player #1. "You know, in this wind I have difficulty seeing my balls!"
Player #2. "Yes I know! I've had that problem for years, now I try not to look"
Player #1. "I suppose that goggles are the answer!"
Player #2. "No! I tried that but it makes them difficult to find on the ground!"
Player #1. "You know, the way my eyes are I will have paint my balls Day-Glo Yellow"
Player #2. "Fluorescent pink is a better colour, it makes them stand out more!"
The mind simply boggles!
From: Terry Maker
Date:3/August Golfers do the strangest things!
Several months ago my wife and I went to a boot sale, she handed me a piece of golf ephemera that she had bought for me. It is a small brass plaque which reads:-
"Gentlement players will please refrain from washing their balls in the sink, it is for hands only."
By order of the Club Secretary.
From: Travis Date:9th/May I'll Start It Off Then.
Sid told his wife he was going for a round. His wife told him to only play nine holes as she needed the car at 12 o'clock. Sid felt a little down but agreed.
When Sid arrived on the first tee, he was asked by a stunning woman if she could join him. He agreed. They both played well and after three holes were enjoying each others company. The woman told Sid that she lived just round the back of the fourth hole, and invited Sid in for a little something. Sid went in and made passionate love to the woman.
However this took some time and Sid was late home. He felt guilty and decided to come clean.
"You'll never believe me, I met this beautiful girl, and we were consumed by lust. One thing led to another and we ended up making love behind the fourth hole." Sid pleaded.
"You Lying Bastard!" Retorted his wife.
"You played 18. I don't know why you just can't admit it!"
From: Jon Date:10th/MayMexican God (true story)
Lee Trevino was playing a golf tournament after being struck by lightning in a previous tournament. He is called in by the USPGA abandoning play due to a lightning warning.
Whilst walking to the clubhouse and his safety he places a 1 iron on top of his head with the clubhead pointing to the heavens.
A spectator comments why he would do something so dangerous and stupid after his recent escape from death. To which he replies "Don't worry amigo. Not even God can hit a 1-iron!!"
From: Dave Date:10th/May Touring Tosser
A well known European Tour player decided to kill some time by watching some adult entertainment on the hotels pay per view channel.
Realising the expense he was incurring and having a video camera to record his swing. He decided to put it to good use and save money by recording the entertainment. Pleased with his initiative he decided to brag to his tour buddies about it. He was longing to show them the home made video, so he invited them to his hotel room for a viewing. It was only when they sat down to watch the movie that it was clear that he was entertaining himself whist recording on the bed with some tissue paper. Not realising that all along that the video camera was also recording his reflection off the television screen, much to his embarassment.
